Girl Scouts speaks out against coerced hugs

Published 11:11 am Friday, December 1, 2017

‘Tis the season of family gatherings, where many an obligatory hug will be given and cheeks will be left red from enthusiastic pinching.

In light of the upcoming season, the Girl Scouts of the United States of America has posted a warning on their official website, reminding parents not to coerce or force their daughters to hug relatives at family gatherings.

Their recommendation is simple: “She doesn’t owe anyone a hug. Not even at the holidays.” The reminder comes at at time when young girls are much more likely to be exposed to relatives and family friends they may hardly know, as well as during an era of unprecedented sexual abuse awareness.

In an official statement, Hannah Wallace, senior director of Communications and Development for the Girl Scouts of North-Central Alabama, said the Girl Scouts is proud to offer advice for parents and families of young girls on “issues in the larger world they hear about or that directly affect them.”

“Given our expertise in healthy relationship development for girls, and in light of recent news stories about sexual harassment, we are proud to provide girls’ parents and caregivers with age-appropriate guidance to use when discussing the sensitive matter and other challenging topics,” Wallace said.

The Girl Scout’s stance has been met with mixed reviews on social media sites. Some social media users called their recommendations “rude” and “overboard.”

But Ebony Jones, a Girl Scout mother of two daughters, ages 13 and 8, thinks the organization is right about the hugging issue.

“I haven’t had a problem with it, because my daughters have been around my family all their lives and want to hug their relatives,” Jones said. “But if either of them ever came to me and said they were uncomfortable hugging someone in my family, I would not make them, no way.”

Beyond hugging

Patty Wilkes, a licensed therapist who has a private practice in Athens, also supports the Girls Scout’s stance and affirms that “hugs always should be voluntary.”

“I think that given the almost daily news articles about the harassment of females in the work place, this would be the wrong time to tell a little girl they have to hug Uncle Charlie or even Grandma.”

“Strangers or people at a distance are not the only people who molest or harass little girls or boys,” she added.

In fact, 90 percent of child sexual abuse victims know their abuser, according to Darkness to Light, a nonprofit dedicated to ending child sexual abuse. Sixty percent are abused by someone the family trusts.

The GSUSA’s article also takes issue with the potential emotional consequences of coerced hugs.

“Telling your child that she owes someone a hug either just because she hasn’t seen the person in a while or because they gave her a gift can set the stage for her questioning whether she ‘owes’ another person any type of physical affection when they’ve bought dinner or done something else seemingly nice for her later in life,” the post explained.

Wilkes doesn’t think that’s a stretch.

“A young girl could easily confuse giving Uncle Charlie a thank-you hug because he gave her a Best Buy gift card for Christmas and a future situation where she may be asked to exchange a job promotion for some sort of sexual favor.”

Melissa Green, a Girl Scout leader and mother of twin 14-year-old daughters, said the recommendation prompted her to have a conversation with her girls about consent.

“I’ve taught my daughters and the girls in my troop to listen to the voice inside you that God gave you,” she said. “There is a reason for it, and you need to remove yourself from that situation.”

Wilkes agreed that “we need to teach little girls to trust their guts.”

“The Girls Scouts are right on target,” she added. “No child should go into emotional bankruptcy, because she doesn’t want to give a hug.”