I almost applied when I heard Charlie Sheen wanted an intern to help handle his social media. I figure, working with his brand of wackadoodle would be a lot like working in a newsroom.

And really, wouldn’t it be a humor writer’s dream?

Then I realized it’s getting more difficult to make fun of Charlie. I mean, on the one hand, it’s never been easier. Though much of what we do in the media ranks high on the weird stuff-o’-meter, we rarely get to write about warlock assassins with tiger blood who think they are their own drug. The difficulty comes in making light of the train wreck that is someone’s life.

I don’t think doctors should be as concerned with getting Charlie off drugs as they should be with getting him on a few or 20. Bless his heart.

But that’s our society these days. We find watching people disintegrate — mentally, physically, financially — entertaining. Has Britney gotten any press since she started wearing underpants, hair and an air of respectability?

Me, I prefer to make fun of people who aren’t crazy … merely stupid. As far as I know there isn’t any medication for stupid but it often can be cured with a good dose of common sense — and a little jail time.

I know y’all will be surprised to learn I have an example for you, a story in which a man should have considered the long and the short of the situation before acting. He didn’t.

David Davis of New Haven, Conn., was in the midst of a haircut Tuesday when he was approached by a man with whom he’d been in a dispute.

A woman having her hair done would have done the prudent thing — talked behind her enemy’s back later at the PTA meeting while looking particularly stunning with her newly highlighted bob and freshly tinted roots.

But we know men can be, well, rash in their decisions. Davis picked up a pair of scissors and slashed the man’s back. Realizing he would now be wanted by the po-po, he hopped up from the barber chair and ran — mid-cut.

Police later found him in another apartment and took him into custody. And while Davis now faces a myriad of problems, his most serious one is that the image of his former afro — slashed like a tree that has been trimmed by utility workers to clear power lines on one side —flooded the Weird News columns of the day and will remain forever etched on the bits and bytes of the Internet. Not to mention the fact that his cellmates were likely laughing behind their tattooed hands.

Moral: Use your head. Well, maybe not so much in this case.

And then there’s Robert Johnson, who burglarized a Florida home — taking a television, DVDs and a DVD player and a 12-pack of beer — but who felt the urge to be polite and lift the seat when he needed to use the powder room.

The print on the toilet gave police something to go on, so to speak.

Johnson was captured March 4 after police matched the palm print to those in his record.

Moral: Always wipe after going.

Lastly, we have the case of Timothy James Chapek of Oregon who was interrupted while taking a shower. He quickly called 911. The only problem was, Chapek was in a home he had broken into at the time. He told authorities he was calling because the homeowner had returned and he was afraid she might be armed.

Moral: When breaking into a house, keep your wits — or at least a towel — about you.

And while none of us should be using Charlie Sheen’s comments as guides these days, the criminals listed above should keep in mind that one of Sheen’s latest quotes does not apply to them. Let Sheen be “happy with whatever brain I wake up with.”

You guys need to trade up.

I’m just sayin’.