Trump’s hair needs a match, just not wrestling kind
Published 8:24 pm Saturday, March 10, 2007
I knew Donald Trump’s much-maligned hairstyle would eventually lead to violence.
But it’s not an angry, aesthetically offended mob after The Comb Over – it’s a beefed-up, oil-slicked wrestler.
Trump and World Wrestling Entertainment owner Vince McMahon have each placed bets on wrestlers who will face off April 1 for Wrestlemania 23. The man who backs the losing wrestler has agreed to shave his head – in public.
Trump’s hair needs a match, all right, just not of the wrestling variety. With all the publicity his hair has received – entire Web sites are dedicated to its derision – will Trump use this publicity stunt to finally get rid of his coif?
That’s a bet I won’t make. The fact that the match is held on April Fool’s Day makes me suspicious – is it all hype?
Did the Dueling Billionaires get tired of counting thousand-dollar bills and decide they need more headlines?
But it’s a tough call: One of the few things The Donald loves more than his hair is publicity – any kind of publicity (oh, and having people use “The” in front of his name). And he protects The Comb Over like he protects Miss USA.
Trump has been quoted as saying, “emphatically and categorically no: I do not wear a rug. My hair is one hundred percent mine. No animals have been harmed in the creation of my hairstyle.”
Guess he’s not counting the innocent possums blinded by the shine from that hairspray-lacquered helmet.
I, for one, think the hair is real: No hairstylist worth his Dippity-do would risk his reputation creating a wig like that.
If Trump does lose the bet and go through with the hair removal, you will, within hours, find tufts for sale on eBay.
I‚m sure a bidding frenzy would ensue, but have some pity and don’t bid against Britney.
I don’t follow WWE (mainly because the words “wrestling” and “entertainment” don’t belong side by side) but I have read that Trump’s representative Bobby Lashley is the underdog. Bets are that McMahon’s Umaga will kick his leotarded hind-end.
If Trump does have to shave, it’s a win-win: He gets headlines for weeks, the cover of People even; we no longer have to look at The Comb Over.
But Trump and McMahon could save a lot of trouble if they fought themselves rather than using “representatives.”
With a billion dollars, they could have real gold in their lame´ Speedo wrestling briefs.
And by the time they finished slapping and pulling hair, the world would be a much kinder – and prettier – place.