I’m sure all of you have heard by now that the TomKitten was born last week.

For the 2 percent of Americans who don’t know, the name refers to the child of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, a couple better known as TomKat.

I don’t know who created the very first celebrity couple moniker “Bennifer” (way back in the days when Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez were news), but the fad has gone too far when an innocent child is referred to as “TomKitten.”

Whoever started it needs to have some normal slapped into him.

This year introduced two high-profile pairings created from a high-profile divorce: Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt as “Brangelina,” and Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn as “Vaughniston.”

People Magazine made reference to some obscure celeb kwik-names, including Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher as the exotic-sounding “Ashmi,” Britney Spears and Kevin Federline as the swimsuit-line-sounding “Spederline,” and Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck as the coughed-up-furball-sounding “Garfleck.”

It is all so posi-lutely cutiful I would like to thromit.

I’m sure there are celeb watchers who have spent years trying to set up Sandra Bullock and William Shatner (don’t make me go there).

The next step will be to hang these labels on politicians, who, of course are already overburdened with labels and name-calling.

Besides, what can you say about George and Laura: They’d be Georg-a or Laur-ge, neither of which makes for interesting soundbites.

Of course, Tom Cruise does not approve of the TomKat name, mainly because he did not bestow it and thus does not control its use. He doesn’t have that problem with fiancée Katie Holmes, whose name he recently changed, saying: “Katie is a young girl’s name. Her name is Kate now. She’s a child-bearing woman.”

Um, Tommy, what do you change your name to when you’re the lead pilot on an alien spacecraft?

Just askin’.