Marriage is not a state of eternal bliss where roses bloom eternally. Hard work is required to create a good, solid relationship. The same principles apply to other relationships as well.

This December, my husband and I will celebrate a milestone — 56 years of marriage. Often, I’ve been asked what our secret is. Answers vary, perhaps depending on what challenges we are currently working through. For me, there is no one answer, but rather several, so here is my off-the-cuff advice in no particular order:

• Commit. When things need mending, we don’t toss them out. Oh, we had days when each of us wanted to quit, but we didn’t. We were committed and determined to honor our vows happily. Divorce was never an option. It was never discussed.

• Communicate. This is the key to any relationship. Don’t assume you know what the other feels. Women need to talk out their troubles to a trusted, committed husband. Women do not want unsolicited advice, but they need a listening ear.

Husbands want to “fix” things. It’s their identity, the very essence of who they are. Women want to solve their own problems. Putting a dilemma into words actually assists in clarifying it as well as opening up new potential solutions they can enact for themselves.

• Be affectionate. Men need this as much as women. Complement and compliment one another. Touch him, even in public, in appropriate ways. A gentle touch on the shoulder or squeeze of the hand speaks volumes.

Women are no different and require affection, too. Stroking her hair or a simple touch of her arm works wonders, especially as the years pass and physical passion wanes. Look into one another’s eyes, especially when conversing. A little goes a long way toward building and keeping your marriage rock solid.

• Appreciate. Express your appreciation for each other. Praise and cheer achievements, as well as the mundane. A simple “This meal is really good” or “Thank you for remembering to take out the trash” adds up to a lifetime of validation and acknowledgement that you are a team.

Encourage and uplift their efforts, even if you would prefer they not attempt a specific challenge. Express what you appreciate about each other.

• Be unified. Even when you disagree — and you will — discuss things rationally and listen. Truly listen! Being heard and understood is a crucial ingredient in the recipe for success.

Openly discuss goals, both short and long-term. Plan ahead and select the steps to attain them. If children are involved, being unified is critical in raising good adults for the future.

Be an open book regarding finances, and make sure each one has a predetermined amount of money they do not have to account for. It may only be $5, but everyone needs to feel in control of even minor purchases. Major purchases and decisions must be agreed upon. A budget is necessary, regardless of income.

• Compromise. This applies to your desires but never your principles. You want to vacation at the beach. He wants to go to the mountains. Work out a plan. It’s OK to take turns at both locations or split the vacation into two parts.

It is OK to compromise on little issues, also, before they build into a powder keg waiting for a match to be struck.

Spend a little time apart. It isn’t healthy to become codependent on anyone, so enjoy your own activities and friends, but always, always, always put your spouse first.

• Enjoy comic relief. This may be the most effective way to make love last. We still share our sense of humor and can make one another laugh. Reminisce about the fun times. We still laugh about the time I greased his toilet seat with Vaseline in response to his barrage of pranks on me. Find a little humor in every situation, especially the serious ones.

• Be a friend. This is the one that I share most often with young people when asked how we did it. It may in fact be the most essential element to long-term relationships. Become good friends first, and love will follow. Beauty, youth and passion may fade. Sometimes, we grow apart and at different rates. If you have a great friendship, you form a union of mutual dependence.

Evaluate where you are in your relationships. Often, it’s me that needs to repent. Build bridges, not walls. Love waxes and wanes. Beauty fades. Perhaps Ava Gabor said it best, “I have fallen in love many times … but always with the same person.”

Never forget what attracted you at the onset. Happily ever after is not a fairy tale; it’s a choice. Make the right one.

— A coal miner’s daughter born in Appalachia and schooled in Michigan, she currently lives in rural Athens. Hill describes herself as a cook and cookbook author, jack of all trades and master of none, a Christian wife, mother, grandmother and great-grandmother. She shares her home with her husband, Bob, and their spoiled-beyond-belief dog, Molly.