Dear Harriette: I just got a reality check from my girlfriend. She left me. In our last argument, she told me that I don’t know how to love and that I push away everyone who tries to do right by me. I think I might’ve crossed a line this time. We’ve had fights before, but they usually end in us taking space or agreeing to disagree. This time I called her dumb. I was angry and the words just came out, but I think that was the last straw. She’s told me I was stubborn before, but I didn’t realize how mean I’ve been in arguments until she left me. I do love her, and I don’t think she’s dumb; I just thought something she did was dumb. I didn’t mean to be so offensive. How do I get her back? — Reality Check

Dear Reality Check: You need to deal with your anger and communications skills. Before trying to convince your ex to come back to you, turn inside to work on yourself. Find a therapist who can help you dive deeply into your own behavior so that you can understand your motivations and come to terms with how you communicate with others.

Apologize to your ex. Let her know that you are sorry for the way you spoke to her and that you are seeing a therapist to help sort things out. Do not pressure her. You have to work on yourself now.

Harriette Cole is founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. Send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com.