The holidays evoke memories — good or bad — and often both. Sadly, many people have horrible childhood memories of holidays.

My good ones far outweigh the bad. Dirt poor, but we gathered with aunts, uncles, cousins and others that made our days memorable and fun. It was a feast, an abundance of traditional Appalachian foods. Despite our humble circumstances, it was a time of love and anticipation.

Rather than concentrate on how much has changed, including the loss of so many loved ones, there is a myriad of new memories and traditions to be had. Life is too short to be miserable unless we change with the inevitable circumstances. There is joy and gladness to be found in the season.

There are people who, for whatever reason, do not look forward to this time of year. The holidays are a time for family, friends, memories, faith and the celebration of the love of God.

For too many the season carries a great sting because those absent leave a big, empty hole.

We attempt to cloak ourselves with forced smiles while inside our hearts cry. Yet even those suffering can find beauty and significance in this season once again. Grief never really ends, yet we have the potential for meaningful holidays. There is beauty and significance in the season.

Take this time to embrace those who are still here, those who also remember those good times as together we create new and happy memories.

Recognize that emotions come from your heart, and grief is an important part of your healing.

Review both new and old traditions. Comfort your heart. It’s precious in the lives of those to who we are significant. It’s important to be honest about our feelings and emotions.

Loss is a terrible heartbreak, yet as we celebrate the birth of Jesus, the significance of that event along with His message of hope and faith, we can believe that beauty awaits and joy is possible once again.

Allow your heart to mend. God will comfort as you allow Him to fill it with His boundless love.

During the holidays, loss can become even louder and alter the lens of everything you see and feel. Twinkling lights seem dimmer. The sparkle is dulled. The music is quieter. The joy, hope and magic of the season seem untouchable.

Grief doesn’t take a holiday, but however it presents itself to you, strive to be able to sit with it and feel it. Take a step with all the courage you can muster to embrace the things you are ready for.

Its OK if traditions feel and look differently as your heart tries to catch its breath. It’s OK to bravely add new traditions and make new memories. There are no rule books to reflect on. But there is a ton of grace. It’s okay to add new and different ones.

It’s my prayer that, like an unexpected and gentle friend, you will see moments when hope glimmers; where you see reminders of your loved one sprinkled everywhere throughout this. If joy and/or peace come to meet in the midst of pain and grief, I hope you open your heart to the tension by allowing yourself to feel those things too.

In the quiet remains the echo of your absence. The stillness of my heart aches with that emptiness. Loss is so very loud and private, too.

Grief and gratitude can co-exist. My heart can break right down the middle and I still can know that I’ve lived fully and loved deeply. I didn’t hide from life but lived fully and messily, learning every step of the way.

The visions of a future I had planned will no longer be, my path has been irrevocably changed as has my partner to journey with. I still have me and this new path is for me and my better growth.

My heart can handle so much more than I ever gave it credit for. It’s soft but memories come. I cherish and hold them dear. I’m grateful for God’s gentle wisdom and nudges and yes, even the pain because even in the grief, heartache, sadness and hope, my heart knows love, gratitude and joy can fill it if I will but allow it.

Hope lives in your heart right next to the hurt. The only question is: which will you let flourish? The choice IS yours. If you have faith that God does work all things together for His ultimate good, then no amount of hurt can overshadow the hope we have through Him.

Some way, you survived the recent holidays, so now make some plans to create new traditions for 2024. I’m right there with you.