Owls like me often deal with problems by telephone for day-to-day business. (What, you thought we only flew around eavesdropping?)

One day I called a service organization. A disembodied electronic recording said, “Hi, I’m Sam. What can I do for you?” Nothing, “Sam.” You aren’t real. Neither is Alexa nor any of her girlfriends. We’ve become fantasists who have make-believe friends on the technology to which we are enslaved.

If someone who owed us money came to pay, would you gratefully say ‘thank you,’ or let him drop it into a box, never knowing whether you got it or not? Or what if you worked for someone, whom you never saw? This mysterious boss would drop off your daily tasks in a tray, slide it to you under your office door, then depart. He’d only return when the job was due, after you slid the tray back under the door. How long before you would be howling with the wolves and trying to quit?

Much of our daily life is like that these days. Why are we so happy when a mom ‘n pop restaurant opens in Athens, or Ardmore or elsewhere? We delight because we can get to know the owners, whose care and attention make their store special. Unique even. Village Pizza, Hi-Plane Coffee and Ro’s are just a few favorite places that draw guests again and again. They are special because the employees are welcoming, and not in a “corporate way.” I recall going into a big box store once where the employees were required to work during Easter. One disaffected cashier said in monotone as each customer passed, “Happy Easter. They make us say that. Happy Easter. They make us say that.”

So what can we do to make life in our Elk- and Tennessee- River bordered county just a little more humane? Remember your phone is not a person. If you are in line at the pharmacy, at the store or anywhere else don’t forget the real people standing around you. No one wants to hear your medical woes bellowed to Betsy on your phone. No one cares that your bunions hurt. Save it for when you see the person who can do something. Hearing someone shout into the phone about their lying, double dealing, two-timing husband might be a good theme for a country western hit, but not for the half hour waiting to pick up the laundry. Have some consideration for the others around you.

Want to raise the stakes? If you have a chance, only use companies that will answer your calls with people. Not some zombie named “Sam” that doesn’t understand what you want. Imagine your heart rate after poking six number button selections only to find you are then cut off. Surprise. That’s some of your life you’ll never get back. Why can’t corporations hire real people who can deal with problems while talking to you? Why? Corporations are like cult worshippers. They love the almighty dollar so much they don’t want to spend money to hire someone who would make their company responsive, humane and decent. These companies all send “How did we do?” forms after you buy something. Tell them their response was good if you can identify a real person who helped you. Tell them their store is inhumane if all you get is a computer generated “How did we do?”

Ratchet up the stakes even more. Call your county commissioner or your city councilman. They are responsible for most local government agencies. If you can’t get through to a human, let your representative know. Same with your state and national representatives. Just a quick glance at the newspaper will tell you who represents you. If you can’t get through to VA, or Medicare or any other Federal agency, call your United States House of Representatives contact for Limestone County. Tell them what’s wrong. We shouldn’t have to twist in the wind waiting to solve a problem only to hear, “Click number 3.” Government is there to help us. If you don’t like how the government is running, don’t mindlessly vote in the people who make it that way again and again. Get them to correct it. If they can’t correct it, get someone who can next election.

In recent weeks, several Limestonians have tried to get through to their US representatives or their assistants. Most succeeded. Don’t be put off by zombie phone responses. Don’t let a recorded response that treats you like a cog in a technology wheel win. Call up someone who can stop this, whether corporate or government.

Life is too short. At the end of my quest where Sam was introduced, I was asked how I liked “interacting” with the computer-generated zombie. I answered, “I do not like you, Sam.” Sam hung up on me.