Ever heard phrases such as “no means no!”or “zero, zilch, nada!” or “what part of no don’t you understand?” Only all my life.

For pleasers like me, it’s difficult to say no and actually mean it. More often than not, throughout my life, no has been as foreign to me as Greek or Chinese.

Exhaustion and burnout, and physical, mental and emotional fatigue naturally followed. It was a plague — a curse. Known as the “Energizer Bunny” regardless of how my full plate overflowed, I just couldn’t say no.

A sweet friend once declared that she would find me the biggest apple — using her hands to illustrate a gigantic cantaloupe — she could find, and thereafter, every time someone asked me to do something, sternly instructed me to stick it in my big mouth so that even that enormous two syllable word couldn’t escape. That image stuck.

The good news is that I’ve finally learned how to say no. The bad news is that it wasn’t until on my death bed, requiring more than a year to recover before learning the lesson.

Sometimes my head still thinks my body is in my 20s — or teens. In the mirror — which doesn’t lie regardless of the fortune spent on wrinkle creams and potions — reality bites, despite my fading eyesight.

Why is that magical little word so difficult to utter? Why do we over commit and overdo ourselves repeatedly?

My young friend, Shelley, recently spoke on this topic, and hopefully, my stubborn self will finally glean some wise counsel.

She said, “No is a complete sentence — not a putdown, a cut, an unkind thing, nor an unfeeling answer. When someone says no, it is likely because they are supporting so many things beyond our sight that for which we are not responsible. No is a perfectly good response.”

To the pleaser in me, it is now apparent that it has been unneeded and unhealthy for my mental, emotional and physical wellbeing to always respond in the affirmative. I know I’m unable to make everyone happy. I mean, I’m not chocolate for Pete’s sake.

We must be firm in taking the needed measures for ourselves — nurturing oneself. We can do so yet remain kind, caring and unapologetic — but resolute, nonetheless.

It doesn’t hurt to ask myself a few questions before committing to even one more responsibility. Will I have enough energy to fulfill my necessary activities if I say yes? Requests should not become a crisis. Taking a moment to consider my own self-preservation should not be offensive to anyone.

There is no automatic obligation to accept every opportunity presented for us to serve. We can decline without being cruel, short, rude or offensive.

Nurturing Oneself is not being selfish — though there are some who never say yes to anything whether or not it benefits them. But that’s another story. There will always be givers and takers.

Polite and sensitive methods can be chosen that result in that wee word holding such enormous implications. Ponder what you can and cannot do by putting other important duties in their proper perspective.

Most often there is someone else whose turn it is to respond in the affirmative. You know the STP crowd. STP: the same two people (or three or 10) who end up doing more than 90 percent of what gets done. We can do our fair share and not belong to this exclusive club.

Age, frail health, time constraints, previous obligations, poor timing and other legitimate reasons are acceptable and should not be questioned. Is there a purpose in explaining yourself? No. You don’t need to justify the reason you cannot currently accept. That is your personal business.

“I’m sorry. I’m simply unable at this time” is a valid reason.

Recognize and embrace your limitations. Take care of you. Nurture yourself first without guilt! We cannot pour from an empty cup no matter how tempting it may be.

An often quoted verse is Psalms 46:10: “Be still and know that I am God.”

Time alone with Him is necessary. Why is it we have to remind ourselves repeatedly, even during times of added stress, to not overcommit? Instead, discover what that verse truly means — and then apply it regularly. What are we doing that keeps us from sitting at His feet?

Nurturing oneself requires other things too: a healthy diet, sufficient restful sleep, exercise and meaningful activities — including leisure. Resting is not to be ignored or crossed off the list. These things are essential in order to serve well.

Always saying yes is not our duty. Rehearse expressing no to potential prospects. Role play if need be — but do it. Nurturing Oneself is important work.