CRUMBS OF CANDOR: Becoming my best self

Published 7:00 am Sunday, January 24, 2021

As a young girl, Mommy always told me to be myself. What a puzzling statement to a literally minded child. Unable to figure it out on my own, it was easy to dive into the trap of becoming the real or imagined expectations of others. The terrible proclivity of perfectionism followed.

Though it’s taken most of seven decades, finally, I can admit to myself that I love who I am and what I stand for. After a career of striving to adapt and adopt the best habits, this gal finally and honestly likes who she has become. Most definitely, she would be my friend, embracing the flaws that make me unique.

Perpetually fearful of criticism and disappointing others left me a nervous wreck and eternally unsure of myself. Uttering a simple word or phrase was paralyzing. Shyness overtook as the petrifying prospect of a faux pas handicapped me.

Oh, I was a bright child, but lacking the slightest iota of confidence, it remained hidden. Scholastically, my grades reflected intelligence, while my demeanor was so backward, it felt as if I was being drug through a tiny crack in the woodwork under great duress.

My goal had always been to be the perfect wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, employee, etc. Did I succeed? Somewhat, but my authentic self was lost in the fray amid the impending doom of failure.

Being selfless is easy if you have a servant’s heart and love others. Serving others is one of the best ways to alleviate our own challenges; however, there is a saturation point when serving others drains one to the degree that they barely exist. I had become a mere shadow of who God and I desired for me to be — to become.

Letting go of perfectionism is a most liberating accomplishment. Oh, how I yearned to no longer care what others thought as long as my integrity was intact. It was not a miraculous or immediate process. At best, it was an agonizingly long and laborious journey, but Hallelujah! I’ve arrived.

How did I reach this point? It required lots and lots of challenges, trials and adversities.

Obtaining gifts of empathy and compassion required me to endure sorrow, grief and pain — and plenty of it. Becoming humble required swallowing my pride. Becoming a woman of integrity required passing a multitude of tests and temptations. You get my drift.

Feelings of self-confidence and self-worth came only through experiencing the totally opposite. Learning my intrinsic value came in oh, so tiny baby steps. Loving me was hard. God loves me, just as I am, yet expects me to improve. Often, it is enough to realize that there is worth in my utter existence.

We know who has treated us fairly, justly and kindly. We know who is generous and selfless rather than selfish. Once we truly love others, it reflects our own intrinsic value and worth. We don’t need to become famous, but we do need to become supportive and kind to everyone in our path.

Refraining from criticism and judgment is still a work in progress and seeing others as we perceive God sees them changes us. It may not change them, but as sure as the sun will rise tomorrow, it has changed me.

God has no hands but our hands, so if we are busily engaged in doing his work of nurturing and loving one another, we become a beacon of light — not only to others but to ourselves as well.

Nothing about my life is flamboyant or pompous. The humility we develop helps us more than anything else to become what God intended us to become. It is he that we should emulate rather than any celebrity. Seeking and following him rather than others aids implicitly in modeling and emulating a life of worth and genuine meaning.

Sometimes, our greatest accomplishment is performed within the walls of our own homes. Whether they are magnificent feats of architecture or wobbly, tumble-down shacks is unimportant. Who dwells within is important. It is home where our life’s work begins and ends. Everything in-between is like the dash between our birth and death dates. What do we do with all that time in between? The choice is now easy for me despite that not always being the case.

Choose love. Choose kindness. Choose forgiveness. Choose mercy. Choose charity. Choose the good, and eliminate the negative. The outcome will be positive.

It may have taken me most of seven decades to implement these characteristics, though I’m grateful to reach this point. Who I’m becoming is progressing and making the right choices to live it. We are ever evolving, so who are you becoming?

— A coal miner’s daughter born in Appalachia and schooled in Michigan, she currently lives in rural Athens. Hill describes herself as a cook and cookbook author, jack of all trades and master of none, a Christian wife, mother, grandmother and great-grandmother. She shares her home with her husband, Bob, and their spoiled-beyond-belief dog, Molly.