I’m going to be skipping around a lot this week, because — shocker — I have a lot on my mind. So, put on your seat belts and pay attention.

Topic #1: Are you smarter than your spouse?

Much like Lee Greenwood, I’m proud to be an American, where at least a man or woman can marry whomever he or she chooses.

(That is, of course, unless they want to marry someone of the same sex, but we shall not dwell on that here.)

I’m talking more about arranged marriages, which are considered a sacred rite of passage in some countries. The only arranged marriages in the U.S. are those between rich ivy league graduates, whose rich fathers hunt together and thought Bryson and Braden should most definitely get hitched and make spoiled babies together.

Of course there are those arranged marriages that involve a scared young man, his girlfriend (who is with child) and an angry father with a shotgun pointed at the back of the scared young man’s head.

The kind of arranged marriages I’m talking about, however, occur in countries like India, and are often grand celebrations of dancing and eating food made with lots of curry. And the reason I bring this up is because of the news story out of India on Thursday that said a woman abruptly left her arranged husband-to-be at the altar because he couldn’t answer a math question.

What was the question? What does 15 plus six equal? He said “17,” but of course the actual answer is 19. (I’m kidding of course; I know the answer’s actually 22).

This apparently isn’t all that uncommon in India, as the same story is told of a woman who married a wedding guest after her arranged husband-to-be had a seizure. She was mad at the prospective groom’s family for not revealing he had epilepsy, so she just pointed out some random guy to step in.

Win some, lose some.

I don’t consider myself a genius, mind you, but I do know that 15 plus six equals 20, unlike that poor schmuck. I got to wondering’, however, what if my wife had pulled the same stunt on our wedding day? Because I have to admit, there’s a disparity between our levels of intelligence. While she has a PhD in chemistry, I am a self-proclaimed genius of useless facts.

If she had asked me the square root of 124, I would have been blindsided. I guess I could have turned the tables on her and asked if she knew the bass player’s name in Led Zeppelin, as rock, history and baseball are the only three subjects I know jack about.

The answer to the Led Zeppelin question is John Paul Jones. The square root of 124 is 11.1355287257. (I had to look that up.)

Topic #2: Truth is often stranger than fiction

When you work in the news business, you read and watch a lot of news. Most of the news is depressing, as you know, but some stories can be quite comical.

Consider the story of the woman (and reported former exotic dancer) from Birmingham who was arrested in Thailand this week. She had pleaded guilty in 2007 to a hit-and-run death that occurred in 2004, but — surprise — never showed up for her first day of prison.

The Phuket Tourist Police took Kelly Lynn Miller, 36, into custody. She was arrested at the Poontrap bungalow.

The pronunciations and double entendres are up to you to figure out; I’m just relaying the story.

Another story that got my attention this week was the one about a man in Pennsylvania who seriously wounded his older brother after throwing a “Jesus” vanity plate at him.

Forty-five-year-old James Wiles, of Springhill Township, was charged with simple assault and harassment over the argument with his 47-year-old brother.

Police said Wiles’ brother was cut by the plate’s sharp edge, and received a cut bad enough to require medical treatment.

I can’t speak for Jesus, but I can only assume he’s disappointed.

Lastly is the story about the Ukrainian who mistakenly rolled a grenade as opposed to a bowling ball.

The end result? Two people seriously injured.

The blast occurred at a “cheburechnaya” — a restaurant serving fried pastries — that also offered duckpin bowling, which uses a ball without holes on a relatively short lane.

I don’t know how bowling alleys operate in Ukraine, but I know the ones here don’t allow you to bring in explosives. And who on earth mistakes a grenade for a bowling ball?

I would like to know more about those fried pastries, however.

Topic #3: Just the facts, ma’am

Almost weekly, I talk to someone on the phone who is innocent of whatever crime we’ve written about them (allegedly) committing. And every week I have to explain to them that we get our information from law enforcement agencies, and that we don’t make up facts out of thin air.

That’s known as libel, and we can be sued for it.

After all, everyone is innocent until proven guilty in a court of law. I may not know the square root of 124, but I at least know that much.

So, if we’ve written about you or a loved one being charged with a crime and you don’t agree with our version of events, please inform whatever law enforcement agency arrested you or your loved one, and I’m sure they’ll be happy to set the record straight.

— Editor Adam Smith can be reached at adam@athensnews-courier.com.