If you see someone driving down the road flipping through a phone directory with one hand and holding her cell phone in the other, call The Yellow Pages immediately.

Why? Because that person driving with her knees has ignored the warning on the front of the new smaller Huntsville directories designed to go in cars. On the front cover is the disclaimer: “Do not use while operating a moving vehicle.”

Mmmm. That means it creators not only think it likely some nut will let her fingers do the walking while driving, they think she might then sue the company for pain, suffering and not predicting stupidity.

More and more, people are suing companies because company officials could not predict all the stupid things someone might do with a product. I recently heard that a man who activated the cruise control on his new RV then went in the back to make a sandwich sued the company after he crashed — and won. The vehicle company was then required to place a warning label on RVs saying: “Cruise control is not automatic pilot.”

It should have said: “Warning: Driver in mirror is dumber than he looks.”

It just makes you wonder when reading warning labels what kind of idiot led to its creation.

I decided to call ’em stupid and slap a ribbon on ’em.

Here are the awards:

The “Honey, how’d the baby get so wrinkled?” award goes to this label on a stroller:

“Remove child before folding.”

The “You’ve got a little piece of toilet paper in your teeth” award goes to this label on a flushable toilet brush: “Do not use for personal hygiene.”

The “So now you tell me” award goes to a label on a bottle of dried bobcat urine used to keep pests out of the garden. It says: “Not for human consumption.”

The “But it was working so well on my husband” award goes to this warning on a cattle prod: “For use on animals only.”

The “I guess I can stop climbing through the sun roof” award goes to these instructions in a car manual: “In order to get out of car, open door, get out, lock doors, and then close doors.”

The “I wondered why I felt so relaxed when I came out of the coma” award goes to this label on a massaging device: “Do not use while sleeping or unconscious.”

Last, but certainly not one to be ignored, the “I wondered why everyone kept offering me breath mints” award goes to a warning on an electric thermometer: “Do not use orally after using rectally.”