Who can blame Nanny for hoofing it?

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August 14, 2008

By Kelly Kazek The News Courier Thu Aug 14, 2008, 04:25 PM CDT

Appeared Sept. 30, 2007

It’s got to be an unimaginable life: Sold like chattel, left homeless, chased by police and nearly Tasered.

Now, Nanny is an escape goat.

It has to be said, so I’m saying it: “Leave her alone! After all she’s been through! Leave Nanny alone!”

A stray nanny goat’s on the lam in Decatur, Ala. — which is against the law because she’s classified as livestock — after police were unable to Taser her into submission last week.

Can anyone blame Nanny for hoofing it? This is the land of goat stews, for pity’s sake. No church, volunteer fire department or school in a three-county radius can hold a fundraiser without selling goat stew by the bowl, quart or gallon. Boss Hill, top purveyor of goat stew in Elkmont, was quoted in an area newspaper describing the best method to catch Nanny the goat.

If that doesn’t turn a goat chicken, I don’t know what will.

Please, I’m beggin’ ya, give Nanny a break.

For weeks, she’s lived by her wits, seeking shelter beneath an old shed, residents say. She crossed a busy street, looking both ways, to nibble cemetery grass. Who’s she bothering, really? Saves gas in the mower.

Now she wanders alone, likely too humiliated by the sale tag stapled into her hide to return to her family.

For two weeks, she’s eluded capture by authorities and watchful residents reporting sightings.

They may be intent on getting their goat, but I say they’re taking it too far.

What’s next?

A call to Dog the Bounty Hunter?

A song entitled, “Run, Nanny, Run?”

A Lifetime movie about her capture: “Goatbusters?”

I’m glad America’s Most Wanted is no longer on the air.

Can’t you let her live in peace?

At the very least, use the Barney Fife method: Have someone lure Nanny with soothing harmonica music to a lush, green field where she can live out her days frolicking, looking for love with Billy and maybe having a few kids.

Years from now, she’d be only a memory and an episode on “Cold Case.”

If you can’t find a harmonica player, give me a call. I’ve got a backyard that needs mowing and I like feta cheese.

She’d be safe with me. I don’t even know how to cook.

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