Appeared June 1, 2008



A story appeared in the news this week that once again highlights the differences in genders.

I feel it is part of my role as a respected and not-so-highly paid journalist to continue research into the age-old question of whether males or females are smarter.

So far, women have supported my efforts. Guys, well, they haven’t sent too much hate mail (oh, and to the guy named Mark who responded negatively to my previous column about stupid guy tricks: The word “video” does not have two ‘I’s. Ever.)

I’m not saying one gender is smarter than the other. That would be unethical.

I report. You decide.

What follows is my latest example of gender differences: A Florida man hired a woman, for $100 per hour according to CNN, to clean his house while his wife was out of town.

Was he doing his wife a favor?

Did he want her to be surprised to come home to a sparkling clean house?

Did he realize she would treasure this more than any welcome-home seduction he might plan?

I know what you women are thinking: “Wow, I wish my husband were more like him.”

You won’t be thinking that for long.

As it turns out, the husband wasn’t paying such a steep price to have someone buff the floors — he was paying her to clean in the buff.

So now female readers may be thinking he’s not such a great guy after all.

But wait! There’s more.

While the man wasn’t looking, the naked maid, whom we’ll call Dust Bunny, allegedly stole $40,000 in jewelry that belonged to the man’s wife.

Now the wife, when she comes home or goes online or picks up any newspaper in the nation, is likely going to be furious or highly embarrassed (I’m guessing both) that her husband hires nude maids AND she doesn’t even have her diamonds to comfort her.

All the women say it with me: Bless her heart.

Guys, at this point have likely picked up on the more obvious (to guys) mystery in this whole incident: Where does a naked woman put $40,000 in jewelry...?

(Pause while we all ponder this.)

…AND if this man was paying $100 per hour to have a naked woman in his house, why wasn’t he watching her?

I imagine to some, this would seem wasteful.

What does this man have left?

He has been stripped, so to speak, of his pride, the jewelry, $100 bucks per hour and any guy-type respect he may have earned for hiring a naked maid in the first place.

But, in the interest of fairness, I am opening this ongoing debate to invite men to send me items about stupid girl tricks. I promise I will publish a column if you can come up with anything to rival what this guy did.

Send items to my e-mail at kelly@athensnews-courier.com.

Oh, almost forgot: I dare ya.