Appeared Nov. 25, 2007



Personally, I support ho’s.

Settle down. I’m not talking about the kind that got Don Imus fired and made Fifty Cent rich. Not the “ho” that in the hip-hop language means: “Woman of scant clothing and heap plenty questionable morals.”

I’m talking about Santa’s jolly “ho, ho, ho,” without which he would be nothing. Well, not nothing. He’d still have the red suit, the belly, the elves and toy-delivery stuff, but Santa wouldn’t be the same without his ho’s.

The meaning of his ho’s, I would think, is obvious. Apparently, not for trainers at an Australian school for Santas, where potential Jolly Ol’ Elves were told, reportedly, to just say no to “ho.”

They were asked instead to say “Ha, ha, ha” because “ho, ho, ho” is derogatory to women.

I don’t mean to start a ho down here, but let’s think rationally.

Trust me, if Imus or Fifty pulled my child onto his lap and uttered the word “ho,” I would be the first to call the police to report the perverts.

But when a kindly gentleman dressed in a red suit and white beard gives a hearty “ho, ho, ho,” I don’t typically feel the urge to cover my child’s ears or look around for women dressed in micro minis, fake lashes and five-inch spike heels.

The staff of the Aussie company that trains Santas for malls claims trainees were asked only to “tone down” their ho usage, perhaps hoping to limit it only to those times when Santa needed to sing along to a Snoop Dog song playing on the mall Musak system.

A company spokesman said the reason behind the request was that deep-voiced “ho, ho, hos” might frighten children.

And I thought the reason those kids were crying when they visited Santa was the knowledge that all the toys on their Christmas lists had been recalled.

If we want to stop being derogatory to women, let’s bring the focus back to where it belongs: Take the ho’s out of hip-hop music, along with the b-word, the n-word and any other term that, if used anywhere but in a song, would bring Al Sharpton and TV crews running.

Santa is not sexist. In fact, it appears he is an equal opportunity employer (what with all the little people he hires) and he seems to treat Mrs. Clause with great respect.

Besides, he can’t help how he laughs. He probably suffered bullying and teasing for it as a boy. Hasn’t he been through enough?

Before we slap his face on a poster and make him register as a sex offender, let’s give Santa a break.

Because if you think Santa’s the problem, you don’t know ho.