There is a new cancer among us. It has devastated many families, causing heartaches for children and heartbreaks for adults. It is neither a cancer of the body nor brain, but of the flesh and the mind. The disease is caused neither by viral nor bacteria, but by a manipulative machine — the cupid computer.

Just this week a former student told me his wife had left him, after 10 years of marriage, to live with a man in Kentucky. She had met him through the computer. This student had married the young lady even though she had a 3-month-old baby by another man. He is the only father the young lad knows. The woman left in the middle of the night, leaving both her husband and child. I am sure the man in Kentucky did not want the boy. This boy, who had been well behaved, is now having behavioral problems. His behavior is understandable; his mother’s is not. This cancer has ruined his Christmas.

My first personal experience with this cancer was several years ago involving one of my renters. One month, with the rent being several days late, I went to the house to check into the matter. Upon arriving, the young man met me at the door and he proceeded to tell me he and his wife were getting a divorce. I was dumbfounded because this couple always seemed very much in love. They had two daughters, the oldest about 14 and the youngest about eight. He related his wife was leaving him, taking the oldest daughter, and flying to Australia to be with a man she had never physically met, only “computerly” introduced. The man in Australia did not want the youngest daughter. The wife eventually sold their furniture to help pay for two one-way airline tickets. At the airport, the youngest daughter cried and begged her mother to take her also. She didn’t. Later the child would say, “I am very sad. My heart aches.” Within a month this same young man left Athens, with his youngest daughter in toll, to live with a woman in Wisconsin. He had never met her either, only “computerly.” The young daughter’s heartache was understandable; her parents’ behavior was not.

Just this past week I was discussing this new cancer with one of my fellow professors. In addition to teaching, he is also a minister. He related a similar situation that occurred in his church. One of his parishioners left his three children and wife for a woman in New Jersey. Who introduced them? The cupid computer did. The young man has returned to North Alabama and his personal life is in ruins. His former wife will not accept him back. Her behavior is understandable; his is not. Their children’s Christmas has been ruined.

How can we as a society find a cure for this social cancer? How can we as families prevent future outbreaks of adult heartbreaks and children’s heartaches? How can we quarantine this manipulative machine, the cupid computer?

As with any social disease, it will take willpower. In many marriages, mates will gradually lose their attraction and appreciation for each other. Many adults seek romance and novelty of a new person. The “in love” feeling is caused by brain chemistry. The surging brain chemicals may be caused indirectly by the anonymity of the computer. Anonymity spawns bravado. People write things on a computer they would never say in public. Wanton words lead to sexy sentences. Sexy sentences lead to lustful love. Lustful love leads to fractured families.



The heartaches and ruined Christmases of innocent children are not worth the momentary surge of brain chemicals. There is a new cancer among us.





Dr. Mark Durm is a professor of Psychology at Athens State University