ATHENS —
Do you remember back a generation or so when no one — at least on this side of the pond — paid much attention to the goings on of Britain’s royal family?
These people were not the stuff of tabloid fodder. For one thing, they were and are not particularly attractive people and the women wear really dumb looking hats.
It kind of hurts to look at them.
But then along came Diana. Beautiful, young, fresh, spontaneous Diana. The House of Windsor gene pool was due for an upgrade.
The royals must have thought so too. After they verified her lineage and lack of carnal knowledge, they determined she was fit to be pressed into service for the crown.
But wait. That relaxed, carefree hairstyle had to be go, and they had to caution her to wear a slip under gauzy skirts while being photographed by paparazzi while backlit by England’s occasional ray of sunshine.
Next, they plopped a dumb looking hat on her head sort of as a signal to the world that she had passed the tests and was one of them.
After enduring a heavy diamond tiara nearly resting on the bridge of her nose and struggling with way too much frou-frou wedding gown, she dutifully and in very short order produced two beautiful heirs to the throne.
Of course, we all know how Diana’s tragic story ends thanks to the royals finally having a star-quality member to make shoppers pause in the checkout lane and read tabloids in the light of day.
But we have to give it to Diana — and I hope the House of Windsor took note — until she finally refused to be the third point of Charles’ and Camilla’s ever-more-farcical triangle, the sleek, svelte princess dutifully wore dumb looking hats at every public appearance.
But even wide, swooping brims, fluttering silk peonies, looping bows and bizarrely spiking feathers could not conceal her obvious misery.
Little by little, Camilla came out of the shadows as Prince Charles’ significant other and the world knew she was making the palace grade when this once outdoorsy woman with the hairstyle of a quickly-toweled lap swimmer donned a dumb looking hat.
Does anyone remember Camilla’s wedding hat? It appeared to have the quill-ends of the feathers fanning out in a sunburst effect around the crown of her head.
So now, Diana’s two hunky sons are grown and the world has watched Prince William’s unfolding love story with longtime girlfriend Kate Middleton, wondering if she would one day sit next to Wills on his-and-hers thrones.
I think the guesswork is over with that one.
Kate’s swish of rich chestnut hair was firmly anchored by a dumb looking hat in the last photo I saw of her. Although the hat was somewhat smaller than those inflicted on her predecessors, it did appear that a bit of flora or fauna was sprouting from her follicles.
Makes one sort of wonder how the job interview for a royal family milliner goes. Applicants might list among achievements as having designed really dumb looking hats for Kentucky Derby attendees.
“I say, isn’t this Kentucky Derby just a one-day event where the women spectators play the hat thing as a jolly good game? What? They do? So sorry, old chap. While these Derby hats are gloriously dumb looking, we here in the British Isles take our dumb looking hats seriously.
“Next?”
Karen Middleton
Read royal hats to know what’s coming next
- Karen Middleton
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