Back against the wall? Whad’ya gonna do?

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November 11, 2009

By Karen Middleton The News Courier Wed Nov 11, 2009, 04:14 PM CST

ATHENS — I once had a dear friend. She died about six years ago. Sicilian by birth, she was, by nature, very expressive.

Her gestures and facial expressions told her story, even if I didn’t always understand her heavily-accented English.

She would pop into my house to vent over some frustrating or vexing situation. When she had exhausted her angst, she would cut off in mid-sentence, stare pensively into the unfathomable distance for a moment, shrug her shoulders, turn up her palms and mutter, “Whad’ya gonna do?”

It was a rhetorical question. She knew there was nothing to be done. She had accepted the inevitable. She went on her way.

A mutual friend and neighbor of ours, the late Ruth Iglehardt, who was for many years director of Christian education at First United Methodist Church, and I discussed Maria’s philosophy of life one day.

“When she shrugs and says, ‘Whad’ya gonna do?’ doesn’t that just say it all?” commented Ruth.

Yes, that said it all. Our friend Maria had gained a seasoned maturity in her 80 years, a knowledge of when it’s time to stop beating against a brick wall, accept what is and move on.

It was one of Maria’s precious lessons that I must admit I’m still trying to learn. Another lesson she taught was to always wish someone well upon saying goodbye.

She had taught me a few Sicilian phrases, so when she would get up to leave my house, I would bid, “Buona sera, Maria,” carefully flipping my r’s.

She would answer, Buona sera, Buona notte, Buona sera.”

Still questioning fate after all these years, I am sometimes troubled as I approach her final resting place. After a while, I too gaze into the unfathomable depths where she sought answers and found none.

And then I hear her say, “Whad’ya gonna do?”

Karen Middleton can be reached at The News Courier at (256) 232-2720, ext. 111. Buona sera.

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