By Karen Middleton
ATHENS — My daughter Amy has treated me to an Alaskan cruise. We’ve been planning it for months. Trip preparations prompted a recent shopping spree, of course.
But now, where do I put all this stuff?
When it comes to traveling I am of the Well-I-Guess-I’d-Better-Take-It-Just-In-Case-I-Need-It School. I rarely do—need it that is.
Before going to Europe in 2001 for a 17-day tour, I purchased a suitcase the size of a small refrigerator. I’m sure our tour bus driver has never been the same since burying the monolith in the baggage hold and excavating it at the next stop.
I also noticed that the more seasoned travelers pack light. A comfortable pair of jeans, one pair of basic walking shoes, a few knit shirts, underwear, sleep shirt, toiletries and medications and they’re good to go.
But they also say as well as saving their backs and arms from lugging the big bags, they are able to stow the case in overhead compartments on flights so they don’t risk having airlines lose their luggage and ruining their vacations.
This is smart thinking. However, some folks need to test their bags in the sizing rack at the gate before taking them aboard the aircraft.
On every trip I observe at least one person trying to wedge a too-large bag into a too small compartment. As the other hacked-off passengers stack up in the aisle behind him or her, rolling their eyes at each other, the person sweats, groans, shoves, pounds and curses much as I’m sure those drivers do who get their trucks stuck under the Forrest Street railroad overpass several times a year.
At last, the bag is inserted in the overhead and, needless to say, no one else can fit a bag in beside it. The crew sends back their heftiest flight attendant, the one with the thick forearms, to snap the door in place over the protruding bag.
Forget that part of the announcement they make just before landing about being careful when opening the overheads because of the possibility of baggage “shifting in flight.” That baby ain’t going nowhere. Once taxied to the gate, it generally takes at least two people to extract this bag.
Some say this is all the airlines’ fault and one can’t blame passengers for having to resort to such extreme measures to keep track of their stuff.
But getting back to my own Overnight Case On Steroids. A year ago when I moved into my new house I didn’t want to build on an addition to store the case so I decided to drag it up to the attic.
I pulled down the overhead ladder from the garage ceiling and began my ascent with the suitcase in tow. I got a couple of steps up and backed down when I decided this method was too dangerous. Next, I pushed the case ahead of me up the folding ladder, steadying myself on the rail with the other hand.
At last, I was able to push the suitcase into the attic. I snapped the ladder back in place and forgot about it until I started to pack for the Alaskan Cruise and started thinking about all the clothes and shoes I would undoubtedly need.
Now, where did I put Mr. Big? Surely I didn’t misplace him. Then I remembered he was in the attic.
Once again, I pulled down the ladder and climbed up. I took hold of the case and at first tried to back down the ladder. But then I started worrying about losing my balance, smacking on the concrete floor, incurring a concussion, missing my Alaskan cruise and forking over large insurance co-payments.
I climbed back up and started over. Once again I got behind my traveling companion, positioned that sucker at the top of the ladder, whispered, “This ain’t nothing like what those airline baggage handlers are gonna do to you,” and gave a big shove.
