It’s that time of year — you know, the time when you faithful readers expect a mushy, tear-jerker of a column just in time for the holidays.?Yep, as if a Christmas movie featuring Dolly Parton stranded in a cabin with a bunch of orphans isn’t enough, many people look to me to be their own personal Hallmark Christmas commercial.?I am always happy to oblige, although y’all know it is not always easy to switch gears from my usual happy-go-lucky self to sappy and emotional.?These are the types of sacrifices I make for you.?Sigh.?So this year I decided to tell all of you what I am most thankful for.
Here goes:?• Hugh Jackman. Boy, am I thankful for Hugh Jackman. If the sight of that man without his shirt doesn’t bring tears to your eyes, I don’t know what will.?• One slightly undercooked squash casserole meant I was placed on the permanent veggie tray list for the family Thanksgiving dinner.
• So, I forget the veggie tray once — one time — and this is what I was told this year: “Just bring yourself.” I am truly grateful (and so is everyone else).?• I am thankful for the hippopotamus song. Since merchants start playing Christmas music before Halloween these days, “I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas” is perfect when you get tired of that longing for home, winter wonderland slop. Plus, any songwriter who can rhyme “rhinoceroses” and “hippopotamuses” is genius. ?• Despite numerous shortages announced — pumpkin, Eggos, even potentially and tragically chocolate — Milk Duds are still plentiful.
• I am grateful someone finally invented blankets with sleeves. Life was so much harder when we had to reach out from under the blanket to get to our Hershey Kisses. I’m glad my daughter has access to Slankets and Snuggies, and is protected from the hardships I had to endure, like a childhood without computers and chocolate-covered bacon on a stick.
• I am thankful I am poor, overweight and single this holiday season. I would be so miserable being one of those AIG execs, getting taxpayer bonuses for driving the business into the ground. What is left for them to strive for?
I have nowhere to go but up.?The No. 1 thing I am thankful for this year is a daughter who knows how to touch her mother’s heart.?Shannon recently complimented an outfit I was wearing, saying: “You’re pretty fashionable — for a mom.”?If only she could have stopped three words sooner, it would have been one of those memorable, Hallmark-type moments.?You know, the ones that bring tears to your eyes for all the right reasons.?Oh, well, I’ll always have Hugh.
Sigh.
Kelly Kazek
The things I am thankful for this year
- Kelly Kazek
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Each generation contends with struggles
This generation of young people thinks art appreciation is LOLing at Google Doodles. They don’t know dictionaries and encyclopedias were items you used to have to actually hold on your laptop, and they could be really heavy.
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Whoever said it, it's still true
It’s a great feeling to have a daughter who holds a job, keeps her grades up, manages her own money and still takes time for fun with friends in a healthy balance. After she sat on the sofa during high school and watched two seasons of “The Jersey Shore,” I wasn’t so sure.
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Biography of Kelly Kazek
Kelly Kazek was born in Warner Robins, Ga., in whichever year adds up to her being 35.
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I was proud to be part of it
I am proud to serve on the committee that is helping make the memorial a reality and I wanted to thank everyone who was instrumental in the plan.
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In Athens, Ala., grease is the word ...
I think the festival is a great idea. On that day, we can unabashedly show our love for all things Southern, as well as all things Greek. That means we can eat fried macaroni-and-cheese bites while wearing togas, which, if twisted just right, can be very slimming. At least, that’s what I’ve heard.
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Most of us have no choice about work
I think our system has devolved to the point that all politicians, and by extension their families, are so wealthy they can’t truly have an understanding of the lives of ordinary people.
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I won! I won! I won! I won!
I made a decision a long time ago that I do not wish to win mega-millions. Nope, I’ll earn mine the old fashioned way: One sweat-stained penny at a time. I should reach a million by the time I’m, say, 142.
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If you’re stupid and you know it, clap your hands
And as the saying goes, “Ignorance of your own stupidity is probably a good thing,” or something like that.
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Imagine bringing own toilet paper to work
Humor writers rarely have the occasion to hear four sweeter words than “great toilet paper debacle,” but in the case of Trenton, N.J., a recent incident is more of a cause for sadness and reflection than ridicule and laughter.
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Machines don't understand Southern accents
... they are either not programmed to understand the subtleties of the Southern accent, or they’re programmed to drive us to therapy.
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