McBullet-proof glass would help with Ronald Rage

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January 11, 2010

By Kelly Kazek The News Courier Mon Jan 11, 2010, 07:18 AM CST

I knew there would come a time when that flame-haired, yellow-suited, perpetually smiling Ronald McDonald would lead to violence.

After Burger King’s freaky new plastic-faced royal “spokesman,” old Ronnie has to be the scariest advertising icon on the planet. (Well, maybe that cartoon Mucinex mucous blob should rank in there somewhere).

I’m not excusing the behavior of those described below who apparently are suffering from Ronald Rage. I’m just saying McDonald’s employees don’t get paid enough — probably more than me, but not enough — to put up with this kind of abuse.

Any-hoo, after writing in recent months about people making 911 calls to emergency personnel because they didn’t get the correct fast-food order, or because they got the wrong sauce, I knew someone would soon snap and get physical, like those in the incidents described below.

In October, a couple in North Quincy, Mass., were unhappy to receive a small order of fries rather than the large one they ordered.

Well, sure. Anyone knows a small order is not enough for two people.

Apparently, asking the cashier to change the order would have been too traumatic, so, instead, the woman threw coins at the cashier and got into a physical altercation with her. The man then picked up a cone used to mark wet floors and hurled it over the counter. Both were charged with assault and battery with a dangerous weapon.

There’s another incident in which I can say, “I told you so.” You laugh, but I knew those little yellow cones would come to no good.

Then, in December, an unidentified woman went on a rampage in a Kansas City, Mo., McDonald’s because she did not like her hamburger. Though an employee offered to make a new burger, the woman wanted her money back, so she threw a sign and a bucket of water at workers, then pushed a glass display case and three registers from the counter.

She was caught on videotape, but she has not been found and arrested.

And earlier this month, a woman in Toledo, Ohio, broke a McDonald's drive-through window because Chicken McNuggets weren't available during breakfast hours.

The woman was treated for injuries, then arrested on a vandalism charge.

Hmmm.

It seems McDonald’s officials would come up with some sort of emergency plan to help employees faced with these situations — perhaps a code word.

For instance, an employee could call to the back: “I need some tots. Some Taser tots. Stat.” (Do they say “stat” in restaurants? What does it even mean?”)

Or maybe they should be equipped with Mcsemi-automatics.

I bet people would be more than happy with the service then.

Otherwise, we may find ourselves ordering from behind Mcbullet-proof glass because, apparently, not everyone’s lovin’ it.

To be truthful, I’ve been angry enough that the so-called McRib has no bones, I could slap the smile right off Ronnie’s face, And what is with that little square thing they call “fish?”

But I try to keep things in perspective.

As long as the fries keep flowing, I’m happy.

Hey, Dad didn’t call me Tater Butt for nothing.

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Kelly Kazek

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