Y’all know I’m not one to brag — much — but sometimes fame just lands on your doorstep and all you can do is say, “Boy, hydee, Fame. Come on in and bring your checkbook with you.”
Last week, it was Hollywood. You all may be thinking it doesn’t get much bigger than that.
But then the mayor invited me to be on his weekly radio show.
Yep. When I sat down in front of that hot mic in the showroom of the local Ford Lincoln Mercury dealership, I knew my life would never be the same.
This was almost as exciting as the time the reflection of my shirt ended up in a scene in a real-for-sure, made-it-to-the-silver-screen movie. My shirt acted alongside Zoe Saldana, who herself has acted alongside the likes of Johnny Depp and Ashton Kutcher. How’s that for two degrees of separation?
But even then, when I watched my shirt flash before my eyes, I couldn’t imagine I would one day be interviewed by MayorDan.
It’s not everyone who can say she has been asked by her mayor to be friends on Facebook. I’ll bet very few New Yorkers are asked to be friends with MayorMike. I’m just sayin.’
That’s the great thing about a small town — we don’t address our mayor as Mr. Williams or Mayor Williams or Mr. Mayor or even Hizzoner. He’s MayorDan.
I’ll bet even his wife calls him that.
Any-hoo, MayorDan had asked me to be on his Monday morning talk show on WKAC 1080 AM radio — broadcast from McClary Ford Lincoln Mercury—mainly because I am such an interesting person with an exciting career … and no one else was willing to come on such short notice.
MayorDan asked about my early life, my college years, my career path — all scintillating stuff, as you can imagine — before he finally laid bare his true intent in asking me to be his guest: he wanted to delve further into the intimacies, er, intricacies of nakations, the subject of one of my recent columns.
That’s right, MayorDan wanted to uncover the reasoning behind, as it were, the increasing popularity of nude resorts. Now I’m not saying there’s anything inappropriate about MayorDan’s interest, just that he was curious about why people go to resorts to get nekkid.
When I told him men were apparently required to wear bowties and cummerbunds at one resort’s Nude Year’s Eve event, he said, “I’m not sure where this is going …”
I could tell him: Nowhere good.
Changing the subject, he asked which of my columns had received the most response.
My answer was swift.
The one on mantyhose.
Hey, I don’t make this stuff up.
When I explained mantyhose were pantyhose for men and most of the responses were from men who said they wore them and loved them — though there was that one guy with the fetish — the mayor pondered, his brow furrowed.
I’m not sure what he was picturing behind that brow but he did wonder aloud if any of his old pals who sit beside him at the lunch counter at Dub’s Burgers — some of whose stomachs have benefited over the years from said burgers, if you catch my meaning — might have been wearing, unbeknownst to him, some mantyhose under their coverhalls.
Sometimes, I think inside MayorDan’s head is not a place I want to visit.
I’m just sayin.’
You can reach Kelly Kazek at kelly@athensnews-courier.com, or she might be hanging out at the showroom, trying to get some airtime.
Kelly Kazek
Related Photos
-
Kelly Kazek
Discussion
Me and MayorDan are, like, thisclose
- Kelly Kazek
-
-
What are smart phones really planning?
You may think I still use eight-track cassettes and BETA tapes, too, but, no, it’s only with phones that I draw the line. I have my reasons. Hear me out.
- Twinkies need government bailout
-
Biography of Kelly Kazek
Kelly Kazek was born in Warner Robins, Ga., in whichever year adds up to her being 35.
-
Surreal episode irks orchestra director
When the iPhone’s common ringtone, which is supposed to sound like that well-known musical instrument the marimba, went off during a performance of the New York Philharmonic last Tuesday, the conductor was highly irked, incensed and rankled, or in philharmonic terms, seriously cheesed.
-
Lucy smarter than the average dog
I was thinking perhaps I should give Lucy one of those doggie IQ tests. You know, the ones in which you place a ball under a blanket and see if your dog is smart enough to find it?
-
Having daughter home from college an experience
During Shannon’s first long visit home at Thanksgiving, I realized we were having a communication problem, namely she doesn’t think she has to communicate what time she’ll be home at night.
-
A single mom’s dream before Christmas
Note: This column by Kelly Kazek was initially published Christmas Eve 2006 in The News Courier.
-
It's here: Annual Guide to Seriously Weird Christmas Gifts
Then, shoo, skedaddle, vamoose. Go watch football or pull someone’s finger or whatever it is you guys do. But do not read this column!
-
Dieter's blue plate includes Cookie Monster cupcake
Finally, after all these years I have learned the excuse, er, reason for my weight gain: my plate.
No, it’s not a metal one in my head. Like I haven’t heard that before. -
Most wonderful time can be dangerous
After reading about the dastardly deeds committed so far this year in the name of peace on earth, I am starting a petition to send to Santa. I am asking him to change his list categories from “naughty” and “nice” to “naughty,” “nice enough,” “purty good,” and “too stupid to be wasting Rudolph’s oxygen.”
- More Kelly Kazek Headlines
-
Denver's Largest-Ever Drug Bust Nets Dozens
Marines: No Punishment for Nazi-like Flag
Vets Look to Translate Military Skills Into Jobs
Expert: Removing LA School's Staff 'Appropriate'
Raw Video: School Bus Burst Into Flames
LA School Reopens Amid Sex Abuse Scandal
$25B Settlement Reached Over Foreclosure Abuses
Pentagon: Allow Women Closer to Front Lines
Obama Gives Education Waivers to 10 States
Giffords Aide to Run for Her Seat
LA School in Sex Abuse Scandal Reopens
Winter Slamming North Asia, Parts of Europe
Syrian Forces Renew Bombardment of Homs
States, Banks Reach Foreclosure-abuse Settlement
Raw Video: Italy's Mount Etna Bursts Into Life
Greeks March; Angry Despite Debt Deal
Raw Video: U.S. Pullout Celebration
Raw Video: Annual Empire State Building Run-Up
Man Killed in Courthouse Shootout
Air Force Airlines: Leaders Get Polished Service
